Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
