You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
