I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i think i just naturally attract stoners
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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