I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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