i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
