Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
