I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
