You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
