That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
