i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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