i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
