i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
