for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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