yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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