Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
