I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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