I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
