yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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