...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
