so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
