the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
