How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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