I'm sorry my penis didn't work
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
