Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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