Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
