it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
