I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
