So drunk its hurt
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
