i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
i think i just lost a toe
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
