you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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