It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
