How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
