I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
