just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
