Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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