I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
be right there i have to get my cape
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize