Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
