the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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