R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
