nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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