I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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