If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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