Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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