Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
