The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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