i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
