My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
