similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
