How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
