How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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