bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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