I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
