My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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