my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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