One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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