my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Quick, to the slutcave!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
