It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
