Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
