You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
