I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
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How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
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Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.