gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize