I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
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I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend