Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.