I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
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Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
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No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken