I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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