he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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