Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
