I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
