life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
