I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
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Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
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Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
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