I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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