Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
