Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
