I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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