like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
