you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
