Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the day after is always just damage control
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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