Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.