you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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