forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.