You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Houston, we have a squirter
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
