Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I need to calm my uterus...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.